You know the feeling of giving up? Like there’s no other way? I hate it. It’s like heartburn. You can’t do anything about it. You just have to wait for it to subside. And I don’t know if giving up on love is like heartburn. Will it subside that fast? Or will it stay in me for a very long time and leave my heart with a scar?

They said that to give up is to let go. But every idea will haunt your mind. To let go seems impossible. Impossible when you see it everyday. Impossible when you can’t even be recognized with that feeling. It’s like having no friend — no one who can understand. I’ve been longing to give up for a long time. But I can’t seem to let go.

Life is unfair. When you’re given everything you don’t need, and deprive you of what you want. Of course, it could wait – I could wait. But there’s nothing, even a hint or a sign that it will happen to me. I feel depressed that I think no one cares.

Rejection hurts. It’s when you’ve tried everything, but nothing happens. It’s when you’ve done all you can, but you seem to wait for nothing. Rejection has no cure, unless you find someone who can erase all that scars of rejection.

GADD. That was so cheesy. )

I continued writing entries even though we have no net . Here’s one of my interesting experience last summer.

The jeepney, which was invented by Mr. Sarao (sorry, I forgot his first name), is one popular public vehicle. In any part of the Philippines, you will see these “jeeps” parading around, in wonderful colors and with different signage. Well, if you set aside the smoke-belching jeeps and their rude drivers, I think these PUV’s are one of the most creative inventions in the Philippine history.

We rode one yesterday. I mean, this is not an extraordinary experience for me, because I’ve been riding one since I am a kid. I remember that one of my elementary classmates has never ridden one, because she has asthma. Anyway, back to the story. :p We went to the mall yesterday because we have some noisy neighbors, We ate and went to National Bookstore which is practically my mom and moi’s sanctuary. LOL. Basta, we have to skip those parts para di masyadong mahaba. We had a hard time looking for a jeep which travels until Tunasan. But when we found one, we were one of those few people in it. When it is half full, the other passengers are, well, different. As in the biggest difference I’ve seen ever.

1. Two ladies and a little boy. They were wearing clothes with those politicians’ faces, the ones who promised them that they will have a better life if they vote for them, not! Clean as they were, I supposed that they are poor. I mean, we are also poor, but you get the point.

2. A blind couple, guided by a kind man. The man left when they said thanks and the old man, I think, is very generous to offer help to the couple. Coincidentally, I was familiar with the couple because we also were the same passenger of another jeep that they have ridden before.

3. A family consisting of their mom, a kuya, and a cute little girl. The brother was cute too. And he took care of his sister, without any reminder from their mom. Ideal brother. Yes, brother. Haha.

4. A middle-aged lady, and *cough* her foreigner boyfriend. She looks 55++. But foreigners are popular with the way they choose girls because they don’t look at the looks. They just want someone to take care of them. BTW, the foreigner looks like 45 or so.

5. A gay and a cute girl. I think they work in a call center. Because they are very stylish(even for a guy-turned-gay)! I mean, I don’t have anything against being gay or anything, but it’s their choice and I accept it. I sometimes wish for a gay friend. Because they are so funny and I think they are like girls, just a little better. And the girl is very cute. She looks like the girl in Princess Hours and Coffee Prince.

6. A mom who works in an office. She looks so haggard, like she has to attend to her kids’ needs. I saw my mom in her. I liked it that moms are the best. Dads are cool too! J

I just saw the journey of life in that jeepney ride. The kind and courteous driver like God. Because there was like so many people riding with me, I don’t know if they mean anything or what. But I saw the differences of people. No one is the same. No person has been made the same. Thank God for that. Thank Him that He is driving our rides still. That He is giving us the breath of Life. I saw that God blessed me with so many things others have—a complete family, a complete body, provisions, and many people who love me. I saw that somehow, I was different because God is in me. That my desire for God is like a burning bush—in flames, but is not hurting me, but protecting me.

I saw that we are the ones who will ask God where to drop us. And after we accomplish things in a place, we will ride a jeep again, with God as our driver, to fulfill our mission and to let God guide us in the destiny that He gave each and every one of us.

The Chocolate Oracle Says You’re Mellow

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied. You don’t like anything too intense and dramatic. Deep down, you’re a kid at heart… and you’re nostalgic for the past. You are laid back and fairly easy to please. All you need in life is your friends. Sometimes you go along to get along… but you don’t mind. You love being around people. Friendships are important to you. You feel lost when you’re by yourself… so you tend to avoid being alone.

I love chocolates.. before. Not that I won’t eat any from now on but thinking of it now, I feel like I’m giving up on chocolate. Thinking of it makes my head swirl, like I’m in an invisible carousel –you feel happy riding on it, but after the ride, you feel dizzy, and you want to curse that f ‘n (sorry) creator of that ride. It’s also weird that I’m addicted to chocolates back then. I always have migraines, which is hereditary. And the things that I’m not allowed to eat are: chocolates and cheese (fave foods ) The randomness of life. *sigh*

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied.

I’m sweet. The kind that I don’t let a day pass without telling my mom that I love her. The kind of sweet that even though you’re the one with the problem, I am the one who’s hurt the most. I always want hugs and kisses from my friends. And my simple gestures and random teasings are my way of saying I love you and thank you and I’m sorry and all that. Mellow in the sense that I don’t show that I am mad. Yes, I’m not mellow in parties or in dancing but I like to listen to classical songs and mellow songs more than upbeat songs. I’m easily satisfied because I just want happiness — for me and my friends, my family, and of course, my mom and dad. Just that. i want my loved ones to be happy. And I’m not wishing for more. It’s okay for me not to be loved by the one that I love, basta someone still loves me, I’m contented with that.

There. I’m gonna post per line. Para madaming magawang posts. Ciao for now.