You know the feeling of giving up? Like there’s no other way? I hate it. It’s like heartburn. You can’t do anything about it. You just have to wait for it to subside. And I don’t know if giving up on love is like heartburn. Will it subside that fast? Or will it stay in me for a very long time and leave my heart with a scar?

They said that to give up is to let go. But every idea will haunt your mind. To let go seems impossible. Impossible when you see it everyday. Impossible when you can’t even be recognized with that feeling. It’s like having no friend — no one who can understand. I’ve been longing to give up for a long time. But I can’t seem to let go.

Life is unfair. When you’re given everything you don’t need, and deprive you of what you want. Of course, it could wait – I could wait. But there’s nothing, even a hint or a sign that it will happen to me. I feel depressed that I think no one cares.

Rejection hurts. It’s when you’ve tried everything, but nothing happens. It’s when you’ve done all you can, but you seem to wait for nothing. Rejection has no cure, unless you find someone who can erase all that scars of rejection.

GADD. That was so cheesy. )

The Chocolate Oracle Says You’re Mellow

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied. You don’t like anything too intense and dramatic. Deep down, you’re a kid at heart… and you’re nostalgic for the past. You are laid back and fairly easy to please. All you need in life is your friends. Sometimes you go along to get along… but you don’t mind. You love being around people. Friendships are important to you. You feel lost when you’re by yourself… so you tend to avoid being alone.

I love chocolates.. before. Not that I won’t eat any from now on but thinking of it now, I feel like I’m giving up on chocolate. Thinking of it makes my head swirl, like I’m in an invisible carousel –you feel happy riding on it, but after the ride, you feel dizzy, and you want to curse that f ‘n (sorry) creator of that ride. It’s also weird that I’m addicted to chocolates back then. I always have migraines, which is hereditary. And the things that I’m not allowed to eat are: chocolates and cheese (fave foods ) The randomness of life. *sigh*

You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied.

I’m sweet. The kind that I don’t let a day pass without telling my mom that I love her. The kind of sweet that even though you’re the one with the problem, I am the one who’s hurt the most. I always want hugs and kisses from my friends. And my simple gestures and random teasings are my way of saying I love you and thank you and I’m sorry and all that. Mellow in the sense that I don’t show that I am mad. Yes, I’m not mellow in parties or in dancing but I like to listen to classical songs and mellow songs more than upbeat songs. I’m easily satisfied because I just want happiness — for me and my friends, my family, and of course, my mom and dad. Just that. i want my loved ones to be happy. And I’m not wishing for more. It’s okay for me not to be loved by the one that I love, basta someone still loves me, I’m contented with that.

There. I’m gonna post per line. Para madaming magawang posts. Ciao for now.

For a month, I haven’t watch any TV series, commercial, etc. And  I was so intrigued of the Mcdonald’s commercial that everyone talks about. The line “Ikaw pa rin ang first love ko” was stucked in my head so I searched it in YouTube. Our internet connection is kinda choppy so I watched the video bit by bit. And when they came to the part that the girl was introducing her husband, tears streamed down my eyes. I thought of those days back in my first year in high school. (I’m being open about this ha. )

When I entered MunSci or my high school years, I wasn’t aware that this is the stage where teenagers get into relationships. I was so surprised when my classmates were talking about how many boyfriends they’ve had. Being that innocent person I WAS :p, I didn’t talk or made comments about it. Eventually, someone courted me in the class, and I was about to say yes to him. Buti na lang! But I have to admit, he is my first (puppy) love. But I wasn’t ready to commit and until now, I value my days of singleness. And as I watched my friends having boyfriends or girlfriends one by one, and seeing some of them fall out of that relationships for some reasons, I am so thankful of the people who thought me how to love sincerely and whole-heartedly.

Every time I feel alone, I always envy those who got lots of people around them. I just realized that not all of them loves that certain someone. And even if I’m alone, I know that those people who are closest to me are the ones who loves me best. To enumerate them all may take me a whole day or days, but I’ll list my top 5:

GOD

Obviously, my great and amazing Father is the one who loves me the best of all! He created me in the uniqueness of His image and called me her daughter. He provides for me well and gives me everything I need. He takes care of those people I love and His love will never be compared to anyone else’s love for me.

PARENTS

God gave me 2 of the most wonderful people in the world. My mom and dad! These two gives me the physical affection that our Father can’t give for now. They taught me how to value other people and the essence of loving anyone even with their faults or difference.

FAMILY

My family showed how loving is. I was showered with gifts, money, and all the material things they can buy for me. But nothing will ever replace the values and memories they gave me. Including the way their love is for me.

FRIENDS

Yeah, I know we fight. But you’re the bestest people close to my relatives! You showed me how you love other people. You showed me the consequences and everything about teen life and love even if not deliberately. I’m most thankful of my bestfriends who never ever left me and loved me for who I am.

CHURCH FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES

My spiritual family is also the best. With the best values, they taught me things about life. They inspired me to do others good and love those unlovable people. They taught me how to be kind and compassionate to everything.

I give thanks to everyone who loves me. Those who took the time to know me. I’ll never ever forget, that I should be thankful for those person who loved me despite of my imperfections.

…at kahit hindi naging kami sa huli

sya pa rin ang first love ko.