Just another WordPress.com weblog
If anyone was offended with my posts, especially the post ‘Nobody should be fooled to believe a fool’, I am very sorry. I know it is likely that people should get mad at me for sharing those thoughts. i just love my friend/s and I am just sad at the thought of them being unhappy.
If ever you have anything to say to me, anything against me, I accept it wholeheartedly and I hope you forgive me.
If someone have offended me, I am ready to forgive too.
Ciao. 
I lay in my bed a few minutes later, resigned as the pain finally made its
appearance.
It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time. Rationally, I knew my lungs must still be intact, yet I gasped for air and my head spun like my efforts yielded me nothing. My heart must have been beating, too, but I couldn’t hear the sound of my pulse in my ears; my hands felt blue with cold. I curled inward, hugging my ribs to hold myself together. I scrambled for my numbness, my denial, but it evaded me.
And yet, I found I could survive. I was alert, I felt the pain—the aching loss that radiated out from my chest, sending wracking waves of hurt through my limbs and head—but it was manageable. I could live through it. It didn’t feel like the pain had weakened over time, rather that I’d grown strong enough to bear it.
This is my first time to experience this: Pain — so sharp, so excruciating. It was worse than I’ve imagined. I was too happy to be able to think about pain. But now, how I wish I can turn everything back.The fact that it reaches up to my bones, trying to break it into tiny pieces wasn’t really painful for me. The most painful is that my fragile heart, which is full of love, shatters bit by bit, every fraction of it shouts my undeniable and unequivocal love for her.
Everyday, I am on the verge of breaking down. But I didn’t tell anyone what happened, so I keep my mouth shut to prevent regrets to come out of it and my eyes closed to hold back any tears from spilling. All the people around me thinks I am happy. I was a little tensed when someone notices that I’ve changed. But I tell them that I just lack sleep. And when I smile at them, it shows the fabricated world I’ve been building to hide the shadows of my pain. No one sees my grief. No one will be able to understand the misery I’m in.
Tonight should I sleep, without knowing what comes in the morning — without the reason to wake up again.
This post is for someone else, and not for me. Just to let you now the agony of a person, who tries to smile even if in pain. Excerpt from Bella in the second Twilight installment New Moon.
The Chocolate Oracle Says You’re Mellow |
 You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied. You don’t like anything too intense and dramatic. Deep down, you’re a kid at heart… and you’re nostalgic for the past. You are laid back and fairly easy to please. All you need in life is your friends. Sometimes you go along to get along… but you don’t mind. You love being around people. Friendships are important to you. You feel lost when you’re by yourself… so you tend to avoid being alone. |
) The randomness of life. *sigh*You are sweet, mellow, and easily satisfied.
I’m sweet. The kind that I don’t let a day pass without telling my mom that I love her. The kind of sweet that even though you’re the one with the problem, I am the one who’s hurt the most. I always want hugs and kisses from my friends. And my simple gestures and random teasings are my way of saying I love you and thank you and I’m sorry and all that. Mellow in the sense that I don’t show that I am mad. Yes, I’m not mellow in parties or in dancing but I like to listen to classical songs and mellow songs more than upbeat songs. I’m easily satisfied because I just want happiness — for me and my friends, my family, and of course, my mom and dad. Just that. i want my loved ones to be happy. And I’m not wishing for more. It’s okay for me not to be loved by the one that I love, basta someone still loves me, I’m contented with that.
There. I’m gonna post per line. Para madaming magawang posts. 
Ciao for now.
For a month, I haven’t watch any TV series, commercial, etc. And I was so intrigued of the Mcdonald’s commercial that everyone talks about. The line “Ikaw pa rin ang first love ko” was stucked in my head so I searched it in YouTube. Our internet connection is kinda choppy so I watched the video bit by bit. And when they came to the part that the girl was introducing her husband, tears streamed down my eyes. I thought of those days back in my first year in high school. (I’m being open about this ha. 
)
When I entered MunSci or my high school years, I wasn’t aware that this is the stage where teenagers get into relationships. I was so surprised when my classmates were talking about how many boyfriends they’ve had. Being that innocent person I WAS :p, I didn’t talk or made comments about it. Eventually, someone courted me in the class, and I was about to say yes to him. Buti na lang! But I have to admit, he is my first (puppy) love. But I wasn’t ready to commit and until now, I value my days of singleness. And as I watched my friends having boyfriends or girlfriends one by one, and seeing some of them fall out of that relationships for some reasons, I am so thankful of the people who thought me how to love sincerely and whole-heartedly.
Every time I feel alone, I always envy those who got lots of people around them. I just realized that not all of them loves that certain someone. And even if I’m alone, I know that those people who are closest to me are the ones who loves me best. To enumerate them all may take me a whole day or days, but I’ll list my top 5:
GOD
Obviously, my great and amazing Father is the one who loves me the best of all! He created me in the uniqueness of His image and called me her daughter. He provides for me well and gives me everything I need. He takes care of those people I love and His love will never be compared to anyone else’s love for me.
PARENTS
God gave me 2 of the most wonderful people in the world. My mom and dad! These two gives me the physical affection that our Father can’t give for now. They taught me how to value other people and the essence of loving anyone even with their faults or difference.
FAMILY
My family showed how loving is. I was showered with gifts, money, and all the material things they can buy for me. But nothing will ever replace the values and memories they gave me. Including the way their love is for me.
FRIENDS
Yeah, I know we fight. But you’re the bestest people close to my relatives! You showed me how you love other people. You showed me the consequences and everything about teen life and love even if not deliberately. I’m most thankful of my bestfriends who never ever left me and loved me for who I am.
CHURCH FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTANCES
My spiritual family is also the best. With the best values, they taught me things about life. They inspired me to do others good and love those unlovable people. They taught me how to be kind and compassionate to everything.
I give thanks to everyone who loves me. Those who took the time to know me. I’ll never ever forget, that I should be thankful for those person who loved me despite of my imperfections.
…at kahit hindi naging kami sa huli
sya pa rin ang first love ko.
Since I had an idea on what the wealth of the world is, I became one ungrateful person. Sure, I was happy to have this, or that, but I’m not really contented with my life. I was that ignorant kid thinking of herself as a low-class person because I don’t have things that my friends have. As they say, all human beings tend to be envious and try to worship material things. It was when I grew older that I realized that these things are not worth anything. That I should be more than thankful for the wonderful moments and memories I’ve shared with the most important people in my life.
I grew up with an extended family. It was still 2006 that we seperated from them. Almost all of our relatives are catholics, so I believed and practiced catholic traditions. When I reached my 2nd year in high school, I commited again to the Lord and my life is turning to be one great experience. In my high school days, I also met different people with different stories. Some of them is like an adapted tale from those fairytale books that we’ve read when we were kids, and some were like those telenovelas that our mothers watch (and we are so sick of watching it with them). I realized the importance of family, of relationships, and of great faith in God. With this realizations, I’ll be starting some entries of why I am so thankful about the life that God has given me.
Praise God for giving every being their breath!
