I was thinking of a vampire, really.

Hair color: I know it was black. WAS.

Eye color: I don’t know

Height: He’s definitely taller than me

Body type: Ahm, he became thinner, I guess

Weight: He’s heavy. )

High school stereotype: The good guy?

Athletic or smart: Both

Tall and skinny or short and toned: Tall and toned

Religious views: He’s a Catholic

I am definitely infatuated by Edward Cullen. I know very well that he’s a fictional character. But I am comparing him to someone mortal, who dazzles me as well.

Thinking about it, he is one of the best guys I’ve ever known. I won’t consider him as a best friend practically because I have a crush on him. And sadly, he knows but tries to be oblivious about it. It’s also not that easy to not help but like him more because of his perfectly flawed characteristic. I know he is aware that I have been crushing on him since a year ago, but he became very polite not to be mayabang or pasikat about it.

I barely talked to him for the last few months. And I have realized something that made me consider to talk to him again. If God would want him for me, then He will give me this guy at the right time. And if this guy isn’t for me, then God just wants him to be one of those people that will look out for me.

I’m very happy that I am seeing him this way again. Not the kind that I make iwas of him and try to alter my activities just to try to stay away. But it didn’t do me any good. I know, that in the right time, everything will be easier for me to understand that God works in super mysterious ways and that He won’t allow something or someone to hurt or harm me in the most unlikely way.

Yeah. I know a vampire should dazzle me.

You don’t feel the pain because it’s all psychological

I just realized that he’s in love with somebody else.

WAAHHH.

No. I don’t love him like, you know. I love him like a sister loves his kuya. He barely knows me and I know him because I spy on him. ) It just shocked me, that a person that oblivious, someone so snobby and masungit, someone who is an emo (as my mom describes him), and someone who isn’t expected to fall in love falls in love. Aba, he’s special ah. I wrote a post about him. A solo post too!

I don’t know what to feel when I knew about his feelings (but I think he’s torpe because he haven’t asked the girl out). I was screaming and my mom thought I saw another roach. Like yesterday, I want to bang my head on the monitor. I am, until now, dazed.

We were opposites. But we both believe in those principles. I won’t say it because it will be too obvious who it is. I hope him well! And another thing, I think it’s all in the mind. I didn’t feel hurt when I learned about it, and I was happy that I am not crying over something so silly. )

Haha, a little rant here, and a little rant there. XD

How change is permanent…

I don’t know how to start this post. Its been a long time since I wrote and it is somehow very hard. I feel irritated because things are changing into something that they aren’t supposed to be. I am not used to this change. If it is something for the better, why wouldn’t I agree? But if it is something like this, then I’d rather be doomed.

A friend, for me, should be someone permanent. Not that I am not permitting my friends to not ever change, but isn’t it weird if some friend of yours just go and make him/herself your very own doggie tail? It’s very annoying and irritable. I don’t have the courage to tell him/her to stop. I am afraid to hurt his/her feelings. I haven’t talk about this with my mom because I think that she will just side with my friend. She also have this pesky way of retaining things and traits that should be erased, banished, in the world forever!

My mom? She isn’t used to see my room cluttered even though my room is always messy and can be compared to be the same as a pigsty (not really, but close). I just had this argument with her and I think I’m going to freak-out or I’ll just bang my head on the monitor to avoid more damage. I know I have the fault here, but I am so tired of all the nagging and the shouting. I’ve been trying not to be mad and think of very moronic things that I’ll do if I can’t contain her sermons.

I should be aware that things would always be in constant motion. It’s like the Earth, and the other planets. But the difference is they move in constant and unchanging paths. If they ever change, then it is after some long period of time. And I can’t think that people will change or stay the same because I wanted them to. I guess I’m not the ruler of their life.

*scream*

*freak-out*

*bang head on the monitor*

*die then wake-up*

Gah.